Championship Rules for Women
I got a funny mail recently which contained some rules for Women during the upcoming Soccer World Cup. I’m not a huge soccer fan (would rather watch paint dry to be honest) so I decided to re-do the document to suit my favourite sport hurling.
The original Soccer rules can be downloaded here.
My new rules can be downloaded here
Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the Championship each year…
LIST OF RULES
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From May to September each year, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the Championship, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
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During the Championship Weekends, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
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If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during.
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During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor… it wont happen.
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It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV weekdays, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the weekend.
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Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because my county is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about hurling or football than me (unless POSSIBLY if you come from Cork and I do not) and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.
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You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the Championship as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
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The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
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Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
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The Championship highlights show on TV in the evenings is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.
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And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the Championship is only every Summer”. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the International Rules, the League, Club Championship, Railway Cup, Sigersons Cup, All-Ireland Gold on TG4 etc. etc.
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Thank you for your co-operation.
Regards,
Men of Ireland
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